1. I will have a water birth, with no pain relief.
You try that when your baby’s all tangled up inside you and takes two days to move into the right position to come out. Pethidine seemed like a rather lovely option at the time.
2. I will get back into shape at least six months after giving birth.
Going for ten mile runs after being up all night with a teething baby really don’t appeal.
3. My baby will not watch TV.
But she loves Zingzillas! And Neighbours. Who can blame her really?
4. My baby will take a bottle.
Six months and £150 later this still hasn’t happened. We’ve tried every teat under the sun and every Tom, Dick and Harry giving it to her. She hates it.
5. I will do Yoga at least twice a week.
Tried it once. Fell asleep doing Downward Facing Dog. ‘Nuff said.