How to fail miserably at your first supermarket + baby outing

1. Don’t feed the baby before you leave.

That way, the baby will be really hungry and will scream all the way round the supermarket. You will become increasingly panicked by the situation and attempt to breastfeed in the middle of the fruit and veg section. Only to do a Full Frontal Flash at the elderly lady choosing her carrots.

2. Forget the baby wipes.

Then, when your baby does the most disgusting dirty nappy ever, you won’t have anything to clean her with.

3. Make a really big deal out of parking in a parent and child space.

In doing so, make sure you look like a complete idiot by driving across an empty car park with lots of free spaces.

4. Don’t bother learning how the car seat and buggy combination works.

Having survived the inside of the supermarket, you will now end up spending two hours in the car park trying to work out how to unfasten the car seat from the buggy frame. In desperation, you will phone the Mamas & Papas helpline, only to be put on hold for another thirty minutes. You are still in the supermarket car park remember.

5. Have a huge row with your partner.

After all, the car seat issue was his fault.



Filed under Baby stuff

6 responses to “How to fail miserably at your first supermarket + baby outing

  1. Oh dear, not the ideal trip. The amount of times I have forgotten wipes and had to run off and buy some…

    Cheers Mich x

  2. actuallymummy

    6. Put your baby in one of those shallow trolleys, thereby allowing her to reach a jar of Dolmio and chuck it on the floor in the toothbrush section – lots of unsaleable merchandise after that incident!
    Very funny post – done all of those things! x

  3. 7. Feel pretty smug about how your toddler is behaving, sitting in the trolley with his “list” of things to buy, and think back with sympathy as you pass the new mother with her screaming baby and exhausted husband, only to have said toddler decide he is actually thirsty after all, and as an extended feeder he knows where it’s all kept, and have him shove your t-shirt right up in front of New Mummy and Daddy, thus beginning ten minutes of “In a minute darling” *shove shirt down* “Thirsty NOW mummy, please mummy, Booby mummy thirsty mummy” looking like I starve him, thus destroying any hope that New Mummy and Daddy had of ever going back to their refined lifestyle.

    Or the time he ate butter in the supermarket. And his low tolerance of dairy kicked in…………

  4. hahahaha – lol. Just got round to reading the imperfect parenting carnival. Thanks for the laugh!

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