Hoover goddess

I have become my mother. No – scrap that, it’s even worse. I have become my Gran.

I have no idea how or when this happened, but it hit me today.

After waking in an inexplicably foul mood, I decided to vent my frustration and do “something productive”. I could have done any number of things to alleviate my grumpiness: Drunk wine, Googled Gary Barlow, watched Jeremy Kyle. So what did I choose?


Yes, that famous mood-enhancing act of cleaning the bathroom. And as I scrubbed the bath and polished the shower screen, I felt a sense of satisfaction. Even getting down and dirty with the toilet brought a smile to my face.

And that’s when it dawned on me. I am my Gran.

Not that I’m saying my Gran (“Nana” to you and I) gets a sadistic kick out of cleaning toilets. It’s just that I always imagine her at her happiest while bustling about doing something domestic. But that’s not how I picture myself.

Since having Frog, many things have changed. I’m at home more now. I recently quit my job to begin freelancing, but I’m still officially on maternity leave. I’m in a no-man’s land of work and home, maternity leave and work. I still see myself as a “career woman”, but actually, at the moment, that isn’t really who I am.

So I suppose cleaning helped me feel like I was doing something productive. I may not have won a Sony Gold this week or written a feature in a national publication, but at least my toilet’s clean.


And then I noticed my daughter watching me cleaning. She had a perplexed look on her face, as if to say “what the hell are you doing Mother?” (Clearly, the sight of me with a duster is a rarity).

I began to ponder her future, what she’ll decide to do when she’s all grown up, like me. Will she have a high-powered job? Will she be a mum? Will she become a domestic goddess?

And as I turned on the hoover I got my answer, a loud scream signalling Frog’s new Vacuum Phobia. The look of pure fear on her face said it all: Me? Domestic goddess? No chance!

That’s my girl.



Filed under Family

6 responses to “Hoover goddess

  1. Life is perverse isn’t it? I am, let us say a tad domestically disabled and yet my seven year old is a cleaning fiend who begs to mop the kitchen floor to which I say ‘you go girl!’ I first discovered and nurtured her cleaning obsession when I found her skating around the floorboards with my panty pads stuck to she soles of her bare feet dusting them. Very ingenious and so wonderful!

    • Incredibly ingenious! I’m hoping Frog will grow out of this vacuum phobia so I can palm all the hoovering off on her as soon as she’s physically able to a) walk and b) clean. Must remember the floorboard cleaning trick…

  2. louise benesch

    Love the floorboard cleaning trick …. putting night time pads on as I type 😉

  3. Yep. I turn into my Grandmother every, single, day. And that’s exactly how she would say it – every. single. day. They must have been doing something right if we are now adopting them into our lives and hitting our children over the head with it! Great post.

    • Thank you for a) your lovely comment b) making me realise I’m not alone and c) taking my comments above a number that a superstitious person like myself finds particularly scary. Love. As always!

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