No, before you ask, I haven’t got a bad case of Gonorrhea. This post is all about the action of clapping. You know the one – where you bring your hands together to make a noise, to illustrate your appreciation of something.
Except that isn’t the only type of clapping there is, not when you’re a baby anyway.
Recently I shared our long and arduous journey to clapping. It involved me putting on various Take That themed shows in a desperate attempt to illicit a round of applause from my 10 month old daughter. She ignored me until I basically mooned her, at which point she burst into fits of laughter punctuated by perfectly formed claps.
Two weeks on and the clapping continues.
So much so, that I’ve noted down the many forms her applause takes, to highlight the different genres of the clap:
- The excited clap
This one usually precedes a swimming lesson or a bath and is accompanied by lots of leg waving. The only way to illicit an excited clap without water is to a) moon or b) accidentally injure yourself while the baby is watching.
- The non-plussed clap
Pretty much the opposite of the excited clap, this one takes the form of a couple of half-arsed claps, usually while in a reclining position. It’s not uncommon for the non-plussed clap to follow a meal, which leads me to believe it may be baby talk for get a move on and bring out the pudding.
- The sad clap
This is a difficult one to witness, without immediately scooping your baby up and making a huge over-protective-mother fuss of them. The sad clap accompanies a tired or hurt cry (often after a particularly hard poo has been passed) and tends to involve a couple of soft claps, in between tears. Devastating.
- The milk clap
Expect a round of applause if you bring a beaker to your baby. That applause becomes deafening if the baby catches sight of an actual real nipple. Welcome to The Milk Clap.
- The tantrum clap
This is a scary one. The tantrum clap usually precedes a huge bout of screaming, often if a
favourite toy potentially dangerous item has been moved out of baby’s reach. The tantrum clap is used to underline each shout, much like writers use italics. It serves to say I’m (clap) extremely (clap) annoyed (clap) with (clap) YOU! (clap).
- The poo clap
Last but by no means least, the poo clap is pretty much what you’d expect. It’s a round of self-congratulatory applause at a particularly nasty poo. It is often swiftly followed by the excited clap, in anticipation of a) water (especially if the poo was rolled in meaning a bath is necessary) and b) adult injury (i.e. passing out or vomiting over the noxious fumes).