The real reason people get married before having kids

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got

I’ve learned a big lesson recently. It’s one I should have known before, the amount of times people have said “I told you so”.

Get married before you have kids.

It’s not because of tradition. It’s not because of God. And it’s certainly not because of some kind of pre-marriage vow of celibacy.

(Not that I’m against any of those reasons of course, before you throw your hands in the air and accuse me of being anti-God and tradition and celibacy. I’m not. It’s just not the way I roll.)

The real reason people get married before they have kids is because everyone knows planning a wedding while negotiating the daily challenges of first-time motherhood is not a pleasant experience. Add returning to work to the mix and the stress levels go up a notch. Add the fear of a wobbly post-baby tummy threatening to spill out of the wedding dress and we reach levels of near explosion.

This is why people get married before they have kids.

In less than two months, I’m going to become the Mrs (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine. Less than two months. That’s like, six weeks or something. There’s a very big difference between three months and two months. And there’s a very big difference between two months and six weeks. Soon it’ll be just one month. But I don’t know if I’ll make it that long.

I’ve done pretty well so far at appearing as a zen-like bride. I’ve avoided any bridezilla tendencies and remained calm about the impending day. All the big things are sorted. Like the venue, food, cake. There’s just the little thing of my wedding dress still to finalise. Oh and those little favours I had an idea about when I was planning my “dream” wedding before the NLM had even proposed. Oh yes, and the rings. Shoes. Table plans. Orders of ceremony. Music. Did I mention the dress?


As I said, zen-like bride.

The thing is, if I didn’t have a little person hanging off my hip at any given opportunity I’d be on top of all this by now. I’d have spent every spare minute Googling “perfect weddings” and have absolutely no doubt I’d have become the bridezilla to beat all bridezillas. It’s funny how having a baby and working leaves little time for anything else.

In the pre-Frog days, I’d spend many a happy few minutes dreamily browsing the internet, noting what wedding dresses I liked. If anyone I knew went to a wedding I’d be straight at the photos on Facebook checking out those individual touches, planning what I could steal for my own wedding. I was a bridezilla before I was even a bride.

And then I had a baby. And handed in my notice. And decided to set myself up as a freelance journalist.

In case you haven’t guessed it yet, working 13 hour days and attempting some semblance of “good motherhood” really get in the way of planning a wedding.

So here we are. Less than two months from becoming the Mrs (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine and yet another ball I’m juggling is becoming just a little too heavy.

Oh well. I’ll just have to drink lots of wine at the hen do this weekend and forget about it.

Or elope.



Filed under Family

28 responses to “The real reason people get married before having kids

  1. we got married before babies and I really am glad! I don’t envy my friends that are trying to organise a wedding around children and also try and save up with all the added expenses like nappies and toys. Best of luck with everything I can’t wait to see the wedding Blog!

  2. monkeymoosmum

    I organise my wedding after having Hari and Charlie, I have one word for you and that is Deligate! If you know some who can and is willing to no matter how small the job is there is no harm in asking. Our family and fiends were more than happy to help as they felt a part of the wedding!

  3. I got married pre-kids too so I can’t imagine the stress you’re under, what I can say is this: you’ll only be getting married once (overall, I hope, but certainly to the NLM) so no matter what happens have fun. And I don’t mean try to have fun, I mean actually have fun because things may well go wrong, they often do in life, but your memories will last a lifetime, so might as well make them good, right?!

  4. oh, and, love the ring!

  5. We get married in 7 weeks. I am abou to publish a similar post actually as am raly struggling with planning our big day with two almost 12 months olds to look after. I am just statng to panic now about all the little things that I want to get done to make the day perfect. Have only just agreed to have a wedding night wthout the babies so desperaely trying to stop breastfeeding! So much to do! 10th Sep for me, what date are you?

  6. I’m sure it will all turn out fab! As its a one off occasion I’m sure some friends/family will take Frog off your hands just enough for you to get last bits done. Have to admit I found it easier doing wedding first 😉

  7. Jane Clarke

    No pressure on your mum then to finish the dress (I hope she hasn’t read this blog) We are around to do any thing you need the last week ,oops you are in Bristol and we are in Reading (or near at least)
    One thing at a time, get the hen do over and done with, you never know they may come up with some helpful suggestions.
    Have a great weekend I know the girls are looking forward to it.

    • I know it’ll be fine. Oh yes – and I’m now working 8 days in a row right up to the Friday before the wedding. Got some beauty treatments booked for the Friday though to help me relax!

  8. Have a fab hen do….and wine…nah, make it champagne!

  9. I can sympathise with you, it’s really tough trying to organise a wedding with a small child. Our son was 11 months old when we got married, and I returned to work,4 days a week, 2 weeks later. By that point my stress levels were through the roof, but I loved the whole day.

    Have a wonderful day and I look forward to reading all about it.

  10. Good luck! I have neither kids nor a wedding, so no advice. But I have loads of sympathy. I’m sure your wedding day’s gonna be amazing though. You better post pictures of the dress so I can compare it to my fantasy wedding dress. 😉

  11. If your wedding dress is half as gorgeous as your diamond ring, all will be well!

  12. Ghislaine Forbes

    About the dress? Got caught up making loads of period costumes for production of “Emma”, might have to rethink. I hear Oxfam in Poole have a floor full of wedding dresses. Love ma x

  13. granny from the north

    Hi think about the positives! Like having a ready made (beautiful) flower girl, being part of a ready made grandma network with so much advice at hand (mm possibly not good point), and being able to juggle with jelly!xxx

  14. Pingback: Wetting pants and the Gurgle Blog Awards | Mother's Always Right

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