From the mouths of…

Ever since I started blogging, I’ve been jealous of other parents who have children who can talk. The sheer amount of blog material you lot get out of your speaking offspring is unbelievable.

As Frog is only 13 months old, her vocabulary isn’t particularly wide at the moment. She’s got to grips with “Mummy” and “Daddy” and “Gagaga”, “Bababa” and “Eeeeeeeeeeee”. But that’s about it. Nothing hugely amusing, I think you’ll agree.

But yet again, the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine has stepped up to the plate. Where his daughter has failed, he has taken up the mantle.

Now, before I go on, I should probably explain that, despite what follows, the NLM is rather intelligent. He’s a teacher and is in fact responsible for imparting his knowledge on many unsuspecting teenagers. A job which he does brilliantly. But his forte is computers and graphic design stuff (he can also play the Clarinet incredibly well, but he’d kill me for telling you this), not words.

As a journalist and English Literature graduate, words are my thing. I can’t add up for toffee and I’m rubbish at anything even slightly technical, but I like to think I have a reasonable grip on the English language (unless I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine, in which case speaking actual words becomes almost impossible and I prefer to simply make noises instead).

So you’ll understand when I was a little disappointed at the NLM’s basic error during this recent conversation…

NLM: Wow, we’re getting married in less than three weeks – three weeks!

Me: Yup. I know. There’s still so much to do.

NLM: It’s going to be great though, isn’t it? I mean, we’re going to have a brilliant day.

Me: If I survive the next two weeks of working and arranging all the last minute things I still have to do. Yes, it’ll be a great day.

NLM: Yeah, but you know what I can’t wait for…(*rubs hands together gleefully*)

Me: What?

NLM: I can’t wait to cremate the marriage – it’s going to be so good.

Me: Er, what did you say?

NLM: You never listen to me! I said – I can’t wait to cremate the marriage. Cremating the marriage with you is going to be brilliant. We’ll be getting all close and stuff as a proper married couple. Oh yeah, cremating that marriage is something I’m really looking forward to.

Me: Are you sure you mean “cremate”?

NLM: Oh no, sorry, I didn’t mean “cremate”. I meant “consume”. I can’t wait to consume our marriage. I’m really looking forward to it.


What can I say? I’m such a lucky girl…




Filed under Weddings

26 responses to “From the mouths of…

  1. I love him!

    us northerners make up our own language y’know.

    you should go to bed at night chanting ‘i am lucky to marry a man from the north!’

    I have had to make do with a southerner….

  2. hilarious!!! H does stuff like that all the time but at least he can argue English as a second language!!!

    • True – the NLM often tries to argue that words mean different things in the north to the south. I’d still stand by the fact “cremate” means “cremate” whatever part of the country you’re in!

  3. Ha ha ha…..NLM sounds hilarious. Little tip…don’t take all your presents up to your hotel room and open them before going to bed…if you do, you’ll never ‘cremate’ your marriage. At least not that night. xx

    • We don’t have a gift list so I’d be surprised if we ended up with lots of presents! I’d also be surprised if he was still in the mood for “cremation” after he sees the huge pants I’ve bought for the day…

  4. Jane Clarke

    perhaps what he means is your …….will be on fire

  5. ha ha, well firstly, my son is 2 1/2 and still I am lucky to get much out of him conversation wise, he tends to look on at me as though I am a nutter whilst I ask him question after question in the hopes that I’ll one day get a reply, rather then a more teenager then toddler-like grunt!
    As for your hubby to be, well, some people never quite get the hang of language ha ha. Since picking up a second language, my English (my Mother toungue) regularly fails me!!!

  6. ahem, I’m assuming Frog is the product of “cremation” right, and you guys live together? so why is he so looking forward to wedding night “cremation” when you can cremate whenever? Because from my (albeit limited experience, only married once) wedding night cremation usually goes like this: “I had so much fun”, “yeah me too, my feet hurt”, “I think I’m drunk”, “yeah, me too, I love you, come here” … snort… zzzz, zzzz, zzzz

    Though, my wedding wish for you is that you “cremate” crazily on your wedding night to prove me wrong!

    p.s. also, love his use of the term and will heretofore only ever use it with his intended meaning, which should make for some interesting conversations…

  7. Bwahaha! It hasn’t even begun and he’s already looking to cremate it? Might I suggest “running away” as a pre-wedding day strategy? 😉

    I’m glad it got sorted out, leaving you to crem–I mean, consummate–your marriage in just two weeks!

  8. lol bless him! I cant wait to see your wedding pics!

  9. I was just wondering…….Where would you go to cremate a marriage? Surely not to the crematorium! Mind you, you’d go ‘like the blazes!’ (very 1970’s expression, I rather suspect you’re way too young to know that one!)

  10. ha ha ha ha! Does he mean a ‘hot’ night of passion maybe…?

  11. Ooh you are in for a night of passion! lol. I did ‘cremate’ my marriage but not until I had combed all of the hairspray out of my extremely backcombed head! that was more important at the time! romance? dead?

  12. Pingback: Why am I getting married? | Mother's Always Right

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s