Ever since the birth of this blog, I’ve jealousy read posts from other parents, gleefully sharing moments their children have embarrassed them; the time their four year old son swore in the supermarket, or the time their three year old daughter innocently insulted the lady at the checkout. Damn those parents and their speaking children, providing a lifetime of amusing blog material.
But now Frog has stepped up to the plate.
My 15 month old obviously understands her mother has a duty to come up with half decent blog material and I can only assume she’s not been particularly impressed with my most recent efforts. She clearly feels I have only myself to blame for any embarrassing moments of parenthood thus far – and it’s now time to rectify the matter. In short, she wants a piece of my limelight.
So let me relish in the humiliation, content in the fact that finally, at long bloody last, my child has given me some worthily shameful blog content.
It all started yesterday, when Frog was straining to do a Number Two. Not that you really need to know this, but nothing came out. To cut a long story short, it wasn’t until she woke up screaming this afternoon, having half completed the epic Number Two Challenge, but getting stuck halfway, that I realised there was a problem. One very upset baby with a very very sore bottom later, and I’m on my way to the doctor to check there’s no lasting damage from the hugest pooh in the world.
Bear with me.
We arrived in the doctors surgery to find a packed waiting room, full of OAPs waiting for their special Friday evening clinic. Not content to quietly play with the books in the corner, Frog proceeded to sprint-crawl around the waiting room. Eager to advertise her existence, she let everyone know she was there with a playful wave and, in some cases, a quick tug of the trouser.
All fine so far.
Until she paraded into the middle of the silent, packed waiting room, and let off the longest, loudest fart in the history of mankind. She followed this bombshell with a burst of laughter, before enthusiastically applauding herself.
That girl has got to stop hanging around so much with her father.