Today’s post is brought to you by Frog. I don’t want to muddy her creative waters so without further ado, please welcome my 16 month old daughter to the stage…
I went to the shops today. Mum was muttering under her breath that it would be a quick trip, because the shop’s only over the road. We needed some of that delicious white stuff she likes to give me before my nap, so I was well up for going.
I decided I didn’t want to go in my buggy. It’s rubbish. Who wants to be strapped into a seat and wheeled around when you can hold hands and practise this new thing called walking?
Mum was moaning, as usual. She said I had to get in the buggy or she’d get a bad back walking with me. I won though.
Walking to the shops is really great – you should try it sometime. You get to take as long as you like and stop to look at each bit of green stuff in the garden. And there are loads of noisy things in the trees that flap and tweet when you wave at them. Mum was banging on and on with, “What noise does this make? What noise does that make?” etc etc. I just said, “Woof”. It seemed to keep her happy.
The thing about walking to the shops is that you really get a chance to show off. I mean, when you’re in a buggy you can’t give people a proper display of your skills. Walking isn’t like that at all. Plus if people aren’t paying you enough attention, you can just stop and shout at them and wave a bit. This either really annoys the people trying to walk behind you, or old ladies think you’re very cute and start chatting to you.
I took my sweet time walking past my house. I needed to make sure everyone was giving me the attention I deserve. One man wasn’t – so I shouted, “Woof” and dazzled him with my best smile. Who did he think he was to try and get past me without a greeting? Idiot.
Then we got to this big tall thing with some brilliant flashing lights on it. Mum had to pick me up at that point, which I wasn’t particularly pleased about, but I humoured her because it meant I got to press a button which made the tall lights go red and make a bleeping sound. All the whizzy houses on wheels (apparently they’re called “cars” – don’t know if you’ve heard of them?) stopped, just for me.
When we got to the shop Mum had gone a funny colour. She was a bit red and her hair was sticking to her forehead. I heard her tell the man she was getting a sore back because I can’t walk on my own yet. Seriously, all that woman does is moan.
I got a bit tired walking on the way back so I tried to sit down. Mum wouldn’t let me so I had a paddy. I find this works extremely well in situations that aren’t going my way. She gave in and picked me up. This was pretty cool because it meant I could try and lick her face and pick her nose. She hates it when I do that in public.
All in all, I’d recommend walking to the shop over the road. But leave at least two hours for it. And be prepared for plenty of waving.