Thinking of becoming a nudist

It’s been on my mind for a while now, this whole nudist thing. I mean, do we really need clothes? Really?

Ever since becoming a mum I’ve been veering more and more towards the No Clothes Camp. First of all, my favourite jeans refused to stretch with my newly wobbly belly. Then my tops refused to shrink with my newly shrivelled mammary glands. Then Every. Single. Pair of socks I owned got up and did a disappearing act.

So I’ve been spending my days since June 2010 dressed in a mixture of clothes borrowed from my sister and my husband, with the odd Primarni purchase thrown in for good measure. And no socks.

And it takes so bloomin’ long to get dressed doesn’t it? Especially in the dark when you have nothing for company but the loud percussion provided by your snoring husband’s wind orchestra. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve wandered out of the house in the morning dressed in a fetching ensemble of milk splattered pyjama top and holey leggings, simply because it was all I could find in the pitch black.

Then you’ve got the whole getting the child dressed in the morning thing. If we were to become nudists, the Battle of the Tights would be forgotten. A peace treaty could be signed to signal the end of wrestling matches over jumpers. Bliss.

Can you imagine a world where you only had to get up and make a cup of tea in the morning before leaving the house? A world with no daily choosing of outfits? A world with no hide and seek games to persuade reluctant children into clothes?

I can just see us now –  a family of three, wandering about Berkshire free as the day we were born, with nothing to cover us but a content smile (and maybe a pair of nipple warmers in the current climate).

Lateness would be a thing of the past. We’d be on time, every time.

Punctual. Happy. At peace. What’s not to love about being a nudist?

Well I suppose the heating bills could be a bit pricey. And there’d be nowhere for the cellulite to hide…

Maybe not then.

Someone who would be rather pleased about becoming a nudist

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23 Comments

Filed under Being a mum, Work

23 responses to “Thinking of becoming a nudist

  1. lol my clothes are the same, some are getting quite old i keep telling my man they are now vintage, being nude though hmmmm my naked body would scare people, they would need therapy and at the moment i cant get enough clothes on, its freezing!!!!

  2. Jane Clarke

    where would you hide an ugly body?

  3. Nah, go for it! You’re in radio, aren’t you? Perfect medium for a bit of experimentation. I shan’t try it myself, though. The unspeakable bits of me that would tumble forth if released from their polyester moorings would end my marriage.

  4. Haha life would be so much easier but I don’t think I would be able to stomach the sight of some of the naked people that you might see walking around the streets! (old men) x

  5. A tad chilly at this time of year, but in summer… Well, we as good as do it already. Believe me it’s sometimes the only practical solution. Oh, for some paddling pool weather…

  6. babybloggie

    I’m on the side of nudism, after shrinking when I had bubsy to a size 12 then expanding to a 22 with a bout of depression, clothes bills have been as high as heating bills (nearly). I think I’m just gonna wrap myself in a sheet to hide the unsightly bits (that’s cut out holes for eyes and mouth then) and be done with it.

  7. I shall NEVER forget staying at my friend’s house years ago and her being too scared to tell me her boyfriend (now husband) was a naturist. She’d gone to work and I popped down to his basement office to see if he wanted a cuppa. His large leather chair swung round and he was butt naked, ‘no thanks’, he said. Calm as you like. When I met her later for her lunch break I didn’t know what to say but she guessed and we had a laugh about it.

    The worst was yet to come as he (naked) cooked and (naked) served up our dinner. I did not know where to look.

    I’m all for each to their own, and it was his bloody house, but it made me realise it’s not for me thank you very much! X

  8. Ghislaine Forbes

    I don’t remember you being very keen on going naked when your dad and I took you to a naturist beach when you were younger! ma x

  9. i remember being took to a naturist beach when i was younger, grim, some fat man was there with binoculars id never take my kids to one, too many pervs around

    • I went to one too, when I was about 12. I stayed in my T’shirt and tried to hide from my mother who was hysterically giggling. Not something to win a 12 year old extra street cred!

  10. Why ever not? Did you know that nearly four million people in the UK claim to have enjoyed naturism in one form or another. British Naturism is doing a New Year swim promotion while there are lots of events, both indoor and outdoor, where you can experience naturism in 2012 and find out that the preconceptions people have about naturists are just flat wrong. Give it a go in 2012!

    • I’m not sure the world’s ready for my naked body yet Martin…

      • Why ever not? One of the many things naturism shows people is that the human body comes in all shapes and sizes and what matters is what we are, not how we look. Fat, thin, tall, small, young, old….we are all the same. Another of the big worries I hear from people who’ve never tried it, especially women is ‘everyone will be looking at me’. Wrong. In a room/swimming pool/sauna/spa full of naked people, no-one cares what you look like…in fact, anyone who does have clothes on sticks out like a sore thumb.
        You might be interested to know that Clover Spa, a high-quality hotel and naturist spa in Birmingham, is having a women-only weekend in March, in conjunction with British Naturism. More details from Clover Spa at http://www.cloverspa.eu or from British Naturism at the address below.

  11. Why ever not? Did you know that nearly four million people in the UK claim to have enjoyed naturism in one form or another. British Naturism is doing a New Year swim promotion while there are lots of events, both indoor and outdoor, where you can experience naturism in 2012 and find out that the preconceptions people have about naturists are just flat wrong. Give it a go in 2012!

    Martin Warrillow, editor, British Naturism magazine

  12. roddyrodd

    I think if it feels right for you, you should go for it!!!

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