And you thought Britney Spears was a diva…

Smiling for the camera in true diva fashion.

My daughter is a diva. Not in a good way.

This has never been more evident than in her behaviour this week. At times I thought she was actually going to put a pair of sunglasses on her 18 month old face and strut out of the room shouting “Talk to the hand, ‘cos the face ain’t listenin’…”.

Thursday was the pinnacle of the superstar behaviour. At around 2.30pm I received a text from the childminder saying “Please call me when you receive this message”. With my heart racing and my stomach churning I found out my daughter needed collecting. Immediately.

“She’s not settled at all today,” said the childminder. “She’s been off her food and I’m sure she has an ear infection”.  Already feeling Mother Guilt kicking me up the backside for going to work when my child was clearly ill, I managed to get her a last-minute appointment with the doctor that evening.

And it was here that Frog was replaced with Britney Spears.

As the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine and I nervously chatted in low voices amongst ourselves, Frog swanned around the waiting room (if crawling can be done in a “swan-like” manner) waving at each and every one of the other patients, before hiding her face in mock shyness.

Convinced my child was just showing some true inherited Northern grit, I told the doctor she was very poorly and really wasn’t herself. “Let me take a look at her”, he said, in a business-like tone.

This didn’t go down well. The ensuing scene involved Frog being pinned by her father as the doctor attempted to find the source of the nasty infection in her ear. “There’s really nothing wrong with her”, he announced. “By the way, is she walking yet?”

This question prompted a snort of disapproval from my already annoyed 18 month old. Leaning forward and taking a swipe at his stethoscope, Frog made it clear what she thought of this doctor and his inclination towards moving around on two feet.

Undeterred the doctor suggested we walk Frog round the room, holding hands, so he could see exactly how mobile she was. Inwardly sighing I lifted my daughter to the floor and attempted to persuade her to walk.

But Britney was back. And kicking. And screaming. And hitting the ground. And rolling around. And more kicking.

Before sitting up and announcing a word not disimilar to “Duck” but far more offensive.

I don’t think we’ll be going back.

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22 Comments

Filed under Baby stuff, Being a mum, Development, Speech development

22 responses to “And you thought Britney Spears was a diva…

  1. Oh dear! I feel your pain. People tell me its good to have a ‘spirited’ child…

  2. Oh lord! I am afraid I can make a comprehensive diagnosis on the basis of experience. All 18m old Britneys turn into Scary Spice at the age of 6. Just ask GG!

  3. Ghislaine Forbes

    Don’t forget that you were always Kylie and expected adoration from all your fans.
    love ma x

  4. Eve

    Louisa is a diva…I made a HUGE mistake using her as my model. The last photo shoot was awful and I have not done one since. She did hold her hand up the camera and said no photos. She is a handful and the reason why it is a firm ‘no’ if I get asked if I am having any more children!

  5. “spirited child” here as well…..In fact, I have 3 of the little buggers……apple doesn’t fall far from the tree 😉

  6. Yes, I can relate to that … I had many embarrassing scenes particularly coming out of the Early Learning Centre and the Carters Steam Fair … had I realised she was infact she was a diva and not the a spoiled the brat she appeared to the onlookers … I might have felt better or learned to manage it better, if that is possible?

  7. oh I know exactly how you feel, my son is extremely “spirited” (especially when he’s not getting his own way) people often think I’m soft with him because of how much he plays me up but I’m really not. I’ve no idea why he hasn’t grasped that “no means no” yet

  8. Sounds familiar. Poorly and miserable at home, get to the doctors and he miraculously cures himself becoming the life and soul of the party, well waiting room at least. Why did the doctor need to worry you about her walking? As my friend who is a health visitor pointed out, there isn’t anyone going round in a wheelchair saying “Well I wanted to try walking but never got around to it.” xx

  9. I meant to comment on this yesterday but forgot, sorry! Baby-brain and all that.
    This is sooooo familiar! The Baby adores attention, particularly from nice ladies in the doctor’s waiting room, who have interesting looking handbags and keys to play with, and best of all they laugh and clap at her performances. We’ve made many octogenarian friends at the doctors’ over the last few months. But all doctors are the enemy – one step inside the examination room and she does the horribley distressed, silent-scream, tears-pouring-down-the-face thing, and that’s before we even sit down. Not fun.
    But we’ve not had words that rhyme with ‘duck’. Yet. x

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