Do you ever lie on Facebook?

Photo Credit: "Facebook's Secret Message to Me", by Nate Bolt


My husband isn’t on Facebook. The (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine did have a page, but decided to close it down. “If I want to speak to someone, I’ll ring them,” he said. “I don’t even really know half the people on there anyway.”

He has a point.

Since I started the new job at the beginning of the month, I’ve spent more time on Facebook. I get into work at 5am and it’s one of the first sites I check. It says a lot about the age we live in, that often the “big” things people are talking about will be picked up by social networking sites before other forms of media.

But my new job also involves very early starts. 3.45am starts. The kind of starts which can induce grumpiness at the best of times, even if you love your job.

So, when I arrive at work and dutifully log into Facebook it may be unsurprising that I’m instantly repelled by many of the status updates I scroll down to read.

At 5am, when I have driven 45 minutes through rain to work (again, even if it’s to a job I love), wearing odd socks, looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards, I don’t want to hear about how perfect everyone else’s life is.

I don’t want to know how rich you are. Or how in love you are. Or how incredibly advanced and intelligent your children are. Or how many toys you buy them. Or how many holidays you’re going on. Or how thin and beautiful you are.

I just want you to shove off so I can carry on being normal in peace.

Because, I’m sorry, no one is perfect all of the time. I just don’t buy it.

Fair enough, you’ve had a pay rise. Shout about it. But don’t follow it up with an update about how your toddler has learned the dictionary backwards. And certainly don’t regale me with stories of your incredible breakfast-in-bed making husband on a Saturday morning. Who do you think you are? Gwyneth Paltrow?

I mean, really.

So, Facebook, I do not believe you. I think you are lying a little bit.

And if you’re going to lie, then I will too….

“Molly….is very excited after winning £10m on the lottery and seeing her formerly non-toddling toddler run a marathon this afternoon. Oh, and by the way, her husband has just had a £200k pay rise and is taking the family on a holiday to Barbados. So there.”



Filed under Being a mum, Social Media

13 responses to “Do you ever lie on Facebook?

  1. I have spotted the lie, your name is really mildred…..

  2. I don’t do Facebook because all the real class is on Twitter! It sounds, though, like a year-long round robin and round robins, listing repellant family triumphs, are only entertaining at Christmas. There’s a young engaged couple in our parish who are continually breaking up; so much so that they find out whether they are still an item by checking each other’s Facebook status. If, as often happens, his or hers lists their status as single they know their latest row has not been forgiven. So Facebook has its uses.

  3. You need to follow me more – I’m pretty honest on Facebook (and Twitter) although my status updates tend to come with a parental advisory warning 😉

  4. Tom

    I know what you mean! My new job entails maintaining the Facebook page for the charity I work for, so I often don’t fancy checking my own page when I get the chance. Can’t say I miss it much either and this is definitely due in part to the fact that I’m fed up of smug people/pathological liars!

  5. I don’t lie on there as I don’t see the point. I’ll either slip up or someone would out me anyway.
    A friend of mine constantly lies on there. Makes her life, child and parenting skills out to be a lot better than they really are. She constantly texts me moaning about her life and her child etc so it winds me up when she goes on there and claims everything is perfect. I’m not saying she should go on there and state her problems etc, but instead just don’t put anything.

  6. Facebook is not what is used to be…..isn’t there a saying that Facebook is about lying to your friends and twitter is about being honest to strangers???

  7. Lol, I’d love to tell the biggest porkies on FB but many of my husband’s farming friends are on there and I just know it’ll get back to him. That’s the con with living in a small community – gossip’s just about everywhere!!

    CJ x

  8. I’m not on Facebook because I fear becoming addicted to it as I have to Twitter. Besides, I have nothing remotely of interest to say that can’t be said in 140 characters. And barely even then. Enjoyed your post. I keep thinking I SHOULD be on it, but you’ve convinced me otherwise. That is Public Service Broadcasting! (Hope the radio job’s going well)

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