Tag Archives: teething

The day the virus came to stay

My baby’s poorly – and it stinks.

No, really, it stinks.

There’s nothing quite like being woken at 2am to change a nappy that smells like something concocted by a mad scientist with a penchant for experiments created out of dustbins and sick. Yum.

It’s been a week now. At first we thought it was the teeth. “It’s those bloody teeth again,” I told the (self-proclaimed) Northern Love Machine knowingly. Then, when a tooth failed to appear, I blamed the water in Rochdale. “It’s this water, it’s different from the Southern stuff she’s used to,” I pronounced, equally as knowingly. Continue reading

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Filed under Baby stuff, Family, Teething

Tooth ASBO

Well, here we are again.

After a brief respite from The Teeth, it looks like they’re back. And this time they’ve brought an army.

Not content to make our entire family miserable for at least two months, Mr and Mrs Tooth have got their friends in on the action. Four of them have already set up camp in Frog’s mouth. And now three of their mates have gate-crashed the party.

Like all good tenants, the four Teeth that are already here aren’t causing us too much bother. They clean up after themselves and haven’t caused much mess. But the same can’t be said of their friends.

No, their friends are anti-social little buggers. They cause runny nappies and dribble, moodiness and fully-fledged Teething Tantrums. It’s fair to say they’re the worst house guests you could imagine. So I’m issuing them with a Tooth ASBO.

Yes, you heard me right.

The terms are as follows:

  • For the Teeth in question to refrain from causing any more pain.
  • For the Teeth in question to appear out of the gums in a timely and calm manner.
  • For the Teeth in question to just HURRY UP.

If the terms of this Tooth ASBO are breached, the punishment will be retirement in a little box at the bottom of the bin, rather than the plush surroundings of Tooth Fairy Castle.

Be warned.

When The Teeth are behaving themselves...

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Filed under Baby stuff, Teething

Box of tricks

I have a new secret weapon.

This weapon helps me in the fight against tantrums and hunger pangs, teething pain and general moodiness.

My secret? Rice cakes.

Yes, it really is that simple. We’ve added rice cakes to our list of must-have items, along with the magic blanket, nappies and Calpol.

So imagine my glee when this stash turned up from HiPP Organic, to add to our growing armoury:

Cache of weapons

Frog being the impatient girl that she is, she couldn’t wait to get stuck in.


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As well as three bottles of juice (which I’ll review in a separate post), we were sent three packets of rice cakes and another packet of rather exciting (yes, I did say exciting – I really am that sad) looking snacks called Squiggly Puffs.

And they went down a storm.

The HiPP food products are all made from organic ingredients, with no added salt. We were sent three different packets of rice cakes, one was pumpkin and carrot flavour, another was apple and the third was tomato and sweet red pepper.

Frog’s not fussy, she’ll eat anything (and I mean, literally, anything – I caught her trying to eat her own poo last week) but she particularly seems to like the tomato and sweet red pepper flavour rice cakes. I do too, actually. They’re really rather tasty and a lot fewer calories than a packet of Pringles.

As for the Squiggly Puffs, they didn’t get devoured with quite the same relish. They were eaten, but when offered a Squiggly Puff and a rice cake, Frog went for the rice cake every time.

We’re going on holiday this weekend, it’ll be Frog’s first time on a plane. I’m going to make sure I’ve got a cache of rice cakes for the airport. And the plane. And the car journey.  Actually lovely HiPP people, can I have a lorry-load please? We’ve run out…

"I've eaten them all"

 

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Circus Act

Dear Mr Circus Ringmaster,

I would like to offer my services as the new act in your circus. Let me tell you why.

It turns out I’m a very good juggler. I can juggle approximately seven things at once and am well on my way to adding an eighth item. But I don’t use balls. No, I’m far more masterful. I juggle with babies, wedding plans, radio work, washing, feature writing, ironing, blogging and playing. And I’m soon to add that elusive eighth item: keeping my accounts in order.

Oh, and my talents don’t end there. I’m also a pretty mean tightrope walker. I can spectacularly maneuver from the beginning of the day to the end with perfect balance. (I’ve only fallen off once, when my baby refused to nap. That crash left me in tears in a heap on the floor, but since then I’ve regained my balance.)

And have I told you what a great clown I am? Apart from the brilliant clown-like make up I manage to pull off every day (you try applying eyeliner and blusher when your teething baby’s kept you up through the night), I’m also pretty funny. My baby reckons so anyway – my raspberries keep her amused for hours.

That’s not all. I can tame the most ferocious lion. This lion’s roar is so loud it makes the walls shake. And she bites with razor sharp teeth. Granted, she only weighs about 17 lbs and has a fine wisp of mane, but she’s scarier than the heaviest, hairiest beast.

The only thing I can’t do is acrobatics. It just wouldn’t feel right to subject your audience to the sight of me in a leotard.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,

Mother’s Always Right

 

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Mail

Dear Tooth,

There is fashionably late and there is just plain rude. You are falling into the latter category.

I know, as the Tooth of my daughter, you will probably have diva tendencies. And I realise you want to keep the crowd waiting, to build a sense of anticipation and excitement.

But would you just hurry up?

I’m sick of the tears and the biting and the just-general-miserableness. I’m sick of waking every morning to see if you have arrived, only to be disappointed again. And most of all, my nipples are sick of the constant threat of extinction posed by a teething, angry baby. I like my nipples and require both of them.

I feel deeply let down that I have had to resort to writing this letter. But make no bones about it, if you continue in this selfish manner you will pay the consequences. Forget any ideas about a retirement at Tooth Fairy Castle. You will be consigned to a little box at the back of my knicker drawer, never to be seen again, along with the leopard print thong and suspenders.

I trust you will now show yourself and stop being such a nuisance.

Yours sincerely,

Mother’s Always Right

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Filed under Baby stuff, Teething