Walking is an overrated activity

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have an abnormally bright child.

Hear me out on this one…

It’s all to do with the walking.

I have never been one of those parents to brag about their child’s advanced developmental milestones. Mainly because my child hasn’t reached these supposed milestones before any of her peers. In fact, she’s always been last.

I developed a bad case of sitting envy when Frog was around 7 months old. I’d be the mum at baby and toddler group surreptitiously sitting behind her daughter propping her up. As other mums asked “Is she sitting yet?” I’d outright lie. I didn’t want to be outdone or lose the baby race, see.

But after a while it all got a bit exhausting and I withdrew from said race, resigned to the fact my stubborn child really would “Do it when she’s ready”, which appears to be after every other child in the vicinity.

So now we’re at 15 months and the craze of the moment is walking. Everyone’s doing it apparently. Even those babies three or four months younger than Frog.

Turns out it’s an overrated activity. Well, according to Frog anyway.

As other tots wobble their way around on two feet she just looks at them with pity.

And I must say, this daughter of mine has it sussed.

I mean, she gets to be wheeled around like the Queen of Sheba, reclining on a soft lambswool fleece in the buggy which cost more than my car. And she gets to be carried around by doting parents, grandparents and friends, ensuring she is constantly centre of attention.

And when you’re so good at crawling, why bother getting up on your feet? Why would you spoil it all by walking when you can dash off at the speed of lightning as soon as your idiotic mother turns her back?

Yes those Clarkes “cruiser” shoes are very pretty. But they cost more than any right-minded individual would pay for shoes that are so bloody tiny, it’s a much better idea to keep them shiny and new by not actually using them for what they’re intended. Far better to just drag them along on crawling feet, turning to wave at them occasionally.

So this is why I’ve come to the conclusion that my daughter’s refusal to walk is yet another example of her extreme intelligence and desire to be treated like a Queen.

No idea who she reminds me of….